Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Randomize
