2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
