But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
