whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
