So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
