I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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