he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
