dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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