fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
