Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
