Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize