I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
