took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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