You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
