are you so shy because you have an std?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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