I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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