A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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