So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
