Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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