Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize