Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
