can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
