We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize