can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
