She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
