I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
