Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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