All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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