I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
