ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize