For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
