First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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