He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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