I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize