So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
