Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
