i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
