Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i out mim tonsoeep
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
