Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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