So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
