You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
