so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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