I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
