Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
