So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just tell him i said nine months
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
