Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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