First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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