I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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