Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
