im having a threesome with these popsicles
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
