I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
