He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
