im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
