the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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