i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
