Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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