You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
