She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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