This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
