Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
