Pappa wants mamma naked
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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