in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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