I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
