how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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