Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
