He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
