Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
