god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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