I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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