Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
