Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He shit in the fireplace
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize