it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
