Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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