I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
