I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
