I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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