I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
