So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
