Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
