I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
