His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
