im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
