You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
