I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
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