I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
