I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
