I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
