Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
