he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize