Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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