Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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