I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
