im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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