you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
