dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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