My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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