u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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