Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
