So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
