Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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