Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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