clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
