Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
