While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
