just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
