chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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