I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize