Your face is a jimmy john
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
