Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
