How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize