is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
