adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
