I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
