Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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