My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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