you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
