i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
