apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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