Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
