hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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